Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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