You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
