My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
