so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
