Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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