i already hear my dad disowning me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
