I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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