yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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