she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
