Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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