Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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