dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
