Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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