Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
