she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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