My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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