i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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