You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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