she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
