just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
