Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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