Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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