the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
