Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
