Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Randomize
