So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
