Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
