Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
