we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
