It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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