ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
