Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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