Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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