She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
