Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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