get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
