I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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