P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
