So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
cat food counts as protein by the way
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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