At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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