they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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