just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
