Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
