Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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