New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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