Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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