just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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