I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
