Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
