why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
