Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
