$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
