Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
