I am puke
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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