I'm gonna have a badass scar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
