I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
