I want to stick my p in your. b.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
