How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
