I puked a lego.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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